"What do you feel like eating?"
It's such a simple question. But there's something that happens when you ask it to a girl around the age of eleven or twelve, something that doesn't happen when you ask the same question to a boy the same age.
She hesitates. And then she says: "I don't know... what do you feel like?"
I came across a video recently that referenced research on exactly this and it made me pause. When children around the age of eight or nine are asked what they want to eat, both boys and girls answer directly; they say what they want. But by the time they reach their early teens, something shifts for girls. They pause; they defer...they accommodate.
And the wild part? When these findings were presented at a conference, before the presenter could even finish the story, the women in the audience collectively finished it for them; because every one of them recognised themselves in it.
My sister and I talked about this for a long time; she has a six-year-old daughter - a spectacularly beautiful human who is already so full of life and personality. And as we talked, my sister said something that hit; she could already see the ways the world might try to teach her daughter to make herself smaller; to be easier; to not take up too much space.
The conditioning is real,
and it starts early
Research published in 2025 by Mia Radovanovic at the University of Toronto, found that people-pleasing (the tendency to devalue your own ideas in favour of others') is significantly more common in girls than boys, and that social pressure to conform takes root as early as preschool. Girls in the study excelled at following a teacher's instructions even when those instructions were wrong, while boys were more likely to explore their own solutions.
That's not a reflection of intelligence, it's a reflection of what we've been taught to value in girls. Compliance, agreeableness, kindness towards others; often at the expense of their own instincts, desires and sense of self.
And those are beautiful qualities, being thoughtful and kind and considerate; these things make us deeply human. But it becomes an issue when women are conditioned to believe that these qualities are intrinsically tied to their value; when accommodating others isn't a choice but a reflex and further, a requirement for societal acceptance.
Because what that really looks like, lived out over a lifetime, is women who have grown so used to minimising their own needs that they've often forgotten what those needs even are. Women who can't answer "what do you feel like?" without first checking that their answer won't inconvenience someone else.
So what does any of this have to do with portrait photography?
The women who come to me for a portrait session, their reasons vary; their stories are always uniquely theirs. But what so many of them have in common is a lifetime of having made themselves smaller, quieter, just a little more...palatable.
A portrait session I offer, is a space that is entirely, deliberately, unapologetically yours. There is nothing to manage, no one else to accommodate and no one to check in with. You simply get to arrive and be, and take up as much space as you want.
Women walk out of sessions feeling things they didn't expect; stronger, freer; like they could actually breathe. And not necessarily because of how they look in the photos (though the images are beautiful!), but because of the experience of being completely seen, just as they are.
You don't need to earn this
We are constantly fed a story that tells us we're not quite enough, that we need the right product, the right routine, the right version of ourselves before we're worthy of being photographed; of being seen. I'm here to gently remind you that you are enough, exactly as you are, in this season of your life. And you deserve to have images that capture who you are, and celebrate this season!
I offer sessions in a beautiful, private studio space where you can simply melt into the moment. Or, if you're drawn to something a little more wild and open, we can take your session outdoors into the stunning landscapes of the Waikato and let taiao hold us both; there is something super special about connecting with the land, while you reconnect with yourself.
This tohu is yours
If you've been sitting on the idea of doing something like this, a session that is entirely for you, I want you to take this as your sign.
Let me be your hype girl. Let me create a space where you can step in, take up all the room you deserve and let us make something beautiful together.
You can book directly here or, if you have questions and would love to chat first, I'd love to hear from you.
Get in touch and let's talk about what this could look like for you.
Women's portrait photography | Cambridge, Waikato | Studio + outdoor sessions available
